Tag Archives: World Series

Poll: What Would You Give Up For Cubs Title?

God is willing to deal. Finally. The lesson may be over.

You see, about 80 years ago, some 10-year-old kid on the North Side prayed to God asking him to help the Cubs win the World Series. It had just been chance, bad luck really — and the Yankees — that saw the Cubbies title drought surpass 25 years.

But when God heard that kid praying he got mad.

“You don’t think I got better things to do?” God thought and put the prayer in the dustbin.

But the kid prayed the next day and the day after that and every day. The kid talked to his friends and they started praying. Whole neighborhoods implored God to see it in his heart to let the Cubs win.

“There are maniac rulers in Europe unleashing the fires of hell on Earth,” God thought. “There is drought and famine in the good ol’ U.S. Of A. And these baseball fans in Chicago are praying about the Cubs? Talk about misplaced priorities. I’ll show them.”

And he did. The big guy in the sky turned a deaf ear.

Not only that, if the Cubs appeared to be on the verge of something big despite God’s indifference he intervened in the form of a goat, a black cat, that devil Steve Garvey or, some would say, Bartman — though God will giggle and tell you that Bartman was just a happy accident. God didn’t let Alex Gonzalez get his glove down and paralyzed Dusty Baker’s lower half so he couldn’t go settle down Mark Prior.

And so Cubs fans have suffered for another 80 years after that kid on the North Side started his prayer campaign. Truth be told it’s not real suffering. Cubs fans for the most part are eating. There appears to be no shortage of beer at Wrigley Field. Things could be a hell of a lot worse.

That’s the conclusion that many Cubs fans have drawn over the years. We’ve become a group practiced in the art of perspective. And God has noticed and is thinking that maybe, just maybe, we’ve learned our lesson.

There are indications he’s softening his stance. Letting Theo Epstein come to Chicago was one. Javier Baez, Kris Bryant, Jorge Soler and more are other examples of God giving Cubs fans hope.

Then there’s this. A parchment — yes parchment — dating to 45 B.S. (That’s Before Sandberg) has been found in the secret excavation to build new clubhouses at Wrigley (You don’t think they were actually waiting for the city or Rooftop Big Business to approve, do you?), and the document says:

“In the Year of our Lord (that’s me) 2014 I will give ye the opportunity to make a sacrifice that will allow thy beloved Cubs to win the championship. I’m not telling ye (oh, forget the ye and thou stuff. I don’t even remember how to use them) which deal I will make, so answer these questions truthfully, and I will then decide which sacrifice is acceptable to me. (Voting and tallying could take a while so I can’t give you an exact year that I might let the Cubs win, but let’s just say it could take a while. Yes, I crested the world in seven days, but we’re talking about the Cubs winning it all here. This might take me a year or so. Three tops.)”

The note also included the above explanation of why the Cubs were smote with an unprecedented drought.

So there you have it. No pressure or anything. Like the big man said, just answer truthfully. Here are the questions:

Would you give up a promotion for the Cubs to win it all?

  • Yes (57%, 8 Votes)
  • No (43%, 6 Votes)

Total Voters: 14

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Would you give up a kidney for the Cubs to win it all?

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Would you live with no other Chicago team winning another title in your lifetime for one Cubs title?

  • Yes (67%, 10 Votes)
  • No (33%, 5 Votes)

Total Voters: 15

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Would you take a Cubs title if all of your offspring and their offspring had to become White Sox fans?

  • No (53%, 8 Votes)
  • Yes (47%, 7 Votes)

Total Voters: 15

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Would you take a vow of chastity for a period of five years for a Cubs title?

  • No (85%, 11 Votes)
  • Yes (15%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 13

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You can reach us at Cubs Fan Therapy.